Parenting

by Smt. Susmita Devi

Parenting is no joke...It takes parents (or guardians) quite some self-control to remember that on a daily basis in their own behavior. Never forget, that children are prone to imitate their elders or respected personalities like a spiritual Guru.

A physical elder family member functions as a guide in ordinary life of the innumerable do’s and dont’s of society. A Guru in physical form is indispensable to guide an individual in spiritual matters. So both physically and spiritually, guidance is needed while growing up.  My physical father took up his role while a child and Sadguru Sri Sri Babathakur took over when I came to India.

A few of my physical father’s advice and guidance are still remembered:

·            ‘Ruminate a bit and find the ‘silver lining’ to disagreeable events’. He repeatedly made me remember that ‘nothing is so bad that it is not good for something’. That’s what I today would call ‘Blessings in disguise’.

·            ‘It is easier to solve problems in a satisfactory way through cooperation or an attitude of give-and-take than to be stubborn’.

·            ‘Be forgiving, congenial and unselfish to the extent possible and, as far as possible, curb negative instincts consciously.’

·            ‘Look people straight in the eyes when talking to them’.

·            ‘Face people’s opinions with an open and respectful mind. Your opinion might not always be right for everyone.’

·            ‘Reflect on how any incident can be tackled before acting. If possible, the choice should be the one, which would not hurt the opponent unduly.

·            ‘Think twice before giving angry or hurtful replies. That would be the most constructive way to react (a variant of the old proverb ‘Count to ten before retorting’).

·            Be aware that every thought and action, good or bad, is bound to include a consequence.’

·            Firmly refuse to listen to slander and do not spread it. He added: “If you perceive you are victim of slander, you better ignore it if you think yourself justified in your words or deeds. If you realise there is some truth to it, the correct yourself.

·            If you can’t get what you want, you must want what you can get. Manage with whatever is available to you.

·            It is better to be without bread than to lack ideas on how to create means for getting your bread. Whatever you do, do it to the best of your ability.

·            Don’t hanker for what is not yours or not possible for you.

·      Don’t start what you have no intention to finish properly. It is better to say no than to do something half-heartedly with a mediocre result.

·            Success is never built on slapdash work. 

It was, unquestionably quite tough to abide by his recommendations, but I came to appreciate the lessons later in life as I valiantly tried to put them into practice.

The above instructions from my father have been implemented as well as I could. Sri Sri Babathakur’s teaching, later in life, have also been followed according to my capacity. Below are quotes from the book ‘Nectar of Wisdom’: 

 

Sri Sri Babathakur said: “One thing you can do is to ask yourself the following questions and then live accordingly”:

·         Be good... yes, but how?

·         By doing good.... yes, but how?

·         By thinking good ... yes, but how?

·         By living in the highest good, which is ‘Pure Consciousness or Self”

  

He continued to direct our attention to how one could develop true discrimination and Realization of Self through certain attitudes in life, which were:

·         Depend on one’s own Existence

·         Try to remember one’s own True Nature

·         Avoid the sense of duality

·         Rely on one’s Self only and on nobody and nothing else

Having uttered the above four points, He again warned us against trying to impart the ‘Science of Oneness’ to one who is:

·         Antagonistic

·         Back-biting

·         Criticizing others

·         Of fault-finding nature

·         Motivated by self-interest

·         Prone to self-importance

·         Trying to rule over others instead of himself

·         Unwilling to listen to the ‘Science of Oneness’ 

“These points symbolize a shield for one, who follows the ‘Science of Oneness’, which is the true Knowledge, not any conditioned knowledge”’

The above directives (as heard from my parent and from Sadguru Sri Sri Babathakur) are essential to follow, as far as possible, for a seeker of Truth.